"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Galatians 5:22
Before I had children, I remember thinking that I thought I would be a good mom, a joyful mom. I was more afraid of the pregnancy, the labor and the delivery part, but the raising of the children part would be a cakewalk. I had babysat a ton as a teen. I was twelve when my youngest sister was born so I wasn't completely ignorant on how to care for a baby. I figured that I would be able to continue with my life as usual with some minor adjustments to our day, due to feedings and diaper changes. I quickly realized that I was very wrong. Being a parent is the hardest job on the planet. My husband teases me that when he goes to work he is actually going on "vacation" because his real job starts the minute he gets home.
I got pregnant pretty quickly after moving from Minneapolis to Cincinnati. I didn't have a doctor, a home church, a job or friends. All of these eventually fell into place but I found that making friends as an adult to be challenging. After Zachary was born, I had all these excuses why I couldn't join a group/class/organization but the truth was I was scared to put myself out there. I was scared that people wouldn't like me or I wouldn't be able to connect with anyone. So I sunk deeper into isolation which had me on the verge of depression. It seemed like all the mothers that I saw, while tired, were joyful. Why wasn't I? Where was my joy? I was diligently studying my Bible, going to church each Sunday, had a healthy relationship with my husband and was grateful for my happy and healthy baby. There were parts of my day where I was happy but I wouldn't have described my all around attitude as joyful.
After Zachary turned one, I got pregnant again. I realized that something had to change. I didn't want to be a mother that was just going through the motions. Sure, Zachary was fed, bathed, clothed, and entertained each day, but I wanted to raise him - and now this little one on the way - with joy. I decided to join the Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS) group at my church. I mentioned in my post It Takes a Village that I had planned on keeping my feelings to myself. I wasn't going to share with these strangers how I had very little joy in my heart. What would that say about me as a mother? What would that say about me as a Christian? The Bible is peppered with many verses about joy and being filled with joy as a Christ-follower (John 15:11, Acts 13:52, Jude 1:24 to name a few). What would these women think if they knew I wasn't full of joy?
If you read my Village post then you know that I ended up spilling my guts to these women and then in horror I tried to figure out how to make a quick getaway, but as it turned out I didn't need to escape. Just as the Lord pressed me to share my feelings, He also took care of me in that MOPS group. All those women looked at me with compassion and gave me advice, empathy and most importantly, their friendship. Since joining MOPS I have found my joy. I still have super hard days where I want to pull my hair out or cry along with my kids, but there is at least one part of every single day that gives me joy and more importantly, I would describe my role now as a joyful mother.
So what was my problem? I was trying to parent alone. I had my husband, but no other outlet. The very first human had this same problem. When God created Adam, he knew that Adam was going to need companionship. Genesis 2:18 says, "The Lord God said, "It is not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."" We were meant to commune with God and each other. When Jesus walked the earth, He had his core group of friends too. He spent some time alone, but most of His time was spent with the disciples (Mark 3:7, 13). We aren't created to be hermits - even an introvert like me needs people.
This week's parent goals:
1. Get connected.
Don't make the same mistake that I made in thinking that I didn't need anyone with me as I journeyed through parenthood. Get plugged in somewhere. Personally, I believe that your church is the best place to start because then those people can also help you with your spiritual walk which is going to then trickle into your parenting. Check out a ladies Bible study, volunteer to be a greeter or nursery worker on Sunday mornings, or find a MOPS group in your area. Outside of the church you could check out the weekly Story Time at your local library or organize a weekly outing to a park with friends. If you are more introverted like me, this is going to be hard. My challenge for you is to choose something that forces you to be with a group twice a month for six months. If one group doesn't work for you, try something else. Don't try to do this alone; we are aren't built for loneliness.
2. Look for joy in your daily trials.
After I shared with the women my struggles with being a parent, one woman gave me a piece of advice that I try to use daily. She said to look for God in those moments when you think you're going to lose it. When Zachary is having a temper tantrum because I won't give him another applesauce pouch, my rational, adult mind wants him to just understand that he already had one applesauce and we are going to eat dinner soon and he can't just eat whatever he wants, whenever he wants. After dealing with these ridiculous tantrums all day, I just want to lose it. These are the moments I try to stare at that little toe head with his big crocodile tears streaming down his face and I look for God in that moment. Sometimes I am so frustrated that the only thing I can think of is that Zachary is a healthy boy, but that's okay, thank God for that in that moment. It doesn't make the tantrums go away, but with practice it does help you to find joy in your trials. James 1:2 says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds."
3. Practice Gratitude.
I read somewhere that comparison is a thief of joy. This is true, because instead of being happy with what we have, we look at someone else and wish that the roles could be reversed. The problem is that we never really know what their lives are like behind closed doors. What we are aware of, are the blessings that the Lord has given us. When we feel jealous of others going on fancy vacations, living in nice homes, or having the perfect beach body, we fail to relish in what the Lord has given us. We are ungrateful for what we do have because it isn't as good as such-and-such. This includes how we parent. It is easy to look at other moms and wonder if we are doing something wrong because our kid won't sleep, eat veggies, or achieve milestones sooner than another kid. We need to stop comparing ourselves and start practicing gratitude. 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18 says, "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Jesus Christ."
4. Write down one moment of your day where you felt joy.
Sometimes we need to retrain our brain to think in a more positive way. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." If you tend to be a "glass is half empty" kind of a person, this activity may be challenging for you and take some time, but by physically writing down something that brought you joy every night, you will eventually learn to find that daily joy with ease. Your joy for the day can be something simple like getting the first parking space at Target or completing a grocery trip with the kids in tow (in my opinion, this would be a monumentous Joy moment!) Paul wrote this in Philippians 1:4, "In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy." That is my prayer for you (and for me too) that we would have joy. It makes parenting so much better.
This week's application for kids:
1. Blessing your kiddos.
When I wrote about love in my last post, I mentioned a book called The Power of Blessing Your Children written by Mary Ruth Swope. The book contains many blessings that you can read to your children. In her forward she writes about the power of blessing our children and that this power helps us to live successful lives for the Lord. She writes "We cannot allow Satan to rob us of this wonderful privilege." Use this blessing Swope wrote about joy on your kids this week.
In the name of Jesus Christ:
I bless you with a spirit of joy, because the joy of the Lord is your strength. I want you to be strong in body, in soul and in spirit.
Let your joy come from the beauty of God's creative handiwork. See the trees. Look up at the sky and get joy from the beauty of the white, billowy clouds set against the blue horizon. See with your spiritual eyes the dozens of different birds God has made for your enjoyment. Take note of the detail in God's flowers - the colors, shapes, sizes and perfumes.
Keep your mind on the things God has created for your pleasure and let them fill you with joy.
2. Try an activity that explains joy to your kids.
Younger Kiddos: Make a Tambourine
I made this with Zachary and we had a great time! I brought out my markers, which he had never used before, to make the activity a little more special. I wrote the verse on the plate, since he is only two and I don't have a Doogie Howser on my hands. As he was coloring, I would read the verse to him. When we finished, he really liked shaking his tambourine! You could say it gave him great joy. :)
Supplies Needed:
2 paper plates (Per person)
Stapler
Hole Punch
Markers/Crayons
Ribbon
Dried Beans (I didn't have any, so I used elbow macaroni)
- On the back of one of the paper plates, write out the following verse large enough to take up the whole plate, or if your kids are able, have them write out the verse themselves: Make a JOYFUL noise to the Lord, all the lands. Psalm 100:1.
- Color the plates and add your dried beans (or in my case, elbow macaroni) to one plate. Add the second plate to the first so that the "wrong" sides of the plates are facing out.
- Staple along the edges of the plates so the beans don't fall out.
- Punch a few holes along the edge of the plate and tie ribbons for extra flare.
Older Kiddos: Write out Thank You Cards
Help your kids practice showing gratitude by having your older kids (and you!) choose someone to write a thank you card to. Maybe it is a neighbor for mowing your lawn while you were on vacation or a friend's mom or dad for driving your son or daughter to soccer practice. Then after the card is completed, go on a "secret mission" to deliver the card without being spotted. Bonus points for adding flowers or cookies to the thank you card. Talk with your kids about how good it feels to make others feel joyful and ask how they think their thank you care recipient will feel. You could even make it a weekly or monthly "mission" and choose someone new each time.
3. Weekly Scripture Challenge.
Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to do so too!
" May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
Romans 15:13
If you are looking to connect with a MOPS group in your area, click here.
Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about joy? I would love to hear them!