"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
Galatians 5:22
Most parents, whether they are Christians or not, would say that they want their children to be kind. Kindness is a character trait that is taught in classrooms across the globe and many religions center around this attribute as well. Aesop said, "No act of kindness, no matter how small, was ever wasted." Anne Frank wrote, "No one has ever become poor by giving." And the 14th Dalai Lama was quoted, "When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace." All of these things are true. Kindness is defined as a quality of being friendly, generous and considerate with care and concern for others. We use kindness as a synonym for "nice" but I think the Bible teaches us that kindness is much more than that.
Ephesians 2:4-10 says, "But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions - it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith - and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God - not by works, so that no one can boast."
Go back and read what I italicized. These verses makes me want to cry because what Paul is saying here is that God loved us so much, that even though we are sinful beings, he "expressed in his kindness" how he still wants to have a relationship with us. He accomplished this by sending his Son to die for our sins. All of them. My sins, your sins, even that obnoxious person who drives you crazy - yep, his/her sins too. Not only that, but all of our sins are pardoned. Psalm 103:12 says, "as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us." You might notice that this verse doesn't say, "he has removed only the easy to forgive transgressions from us." That's because in God's eyes, sin is sin. No one sin is greater than another - it's just all bad. So God's kindness is his forgiveness, which is offered to every one of us.
God extends this kindness to us in the form of forgiveness and if the Lord is able to forgive all sins, then we too need to be able to forgive those who wrong us - and not just the easy sins, but the heart-wrenching ones too. In my post about love, I talked about when Jesus told a parable of a servant who owes his master a dept. The master forgives the debt but then the servant turns around and demands the debt of a fellow servant. The master finds out and is furious that this servant didn't show the same mercy that he had just received and jails him until he is able to repay his -now reinstated- debt (Matthew 18:21-34). Afterward (verse 35), Jesus tells his disciples "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart." Oh geeze. I don't know about you, but that verse makes me uneasy because there are lots of things that I don't want to forgive. I have been hurt in ways that are still raw to me and I don't want to give my forgiveness away . . . but I certainly want to be on the receiving end of the Lord's forgiveness. When we do that, we are being hypocritical. We can't have our cake and eat it too when it comes to harboring resentment.
Jesus doesn't discriminate against sin. He forgives all. We need to do that too. Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." We need to forgive, because the Bible tells us to but also because our little ones are watching our every move and the "Do as I say, not as I do" parenting technique is a thing of the past. We are their model. We are being watched all day, every day and how we respond to situations shows our children how we really think a conflict should be solved and it shows them that we practice what we preach.
Weekly Parent Goal:
1. Forgive and forget.
There is only one parent goal for this week because it is a hefty one. We need to practice forgiveness. Go above and beyond what our society says kindness looks like and use the Lord's definition of kindness; forgive and then let it go. This is a hard task and is going to take much longer than a week to practice - it is going to take a lifetime. Start with those that are easy to love - your spouse and your kids. When they leave their underwear in the bathroom for the 400th time, spill the milk all over the floor or tell you they hate you because you did something they didn't like - forgive them even if they didn't say they were sorry. Then practice forgiveness with friends, next acquaintances and finally strangers. When Jesus was dying on the cross, he told his Father to forgive those who put him there - even though they felt no remorse about their actions (Luke 23:32-38). When those excuses of why you don't need to forgive start to enter your mind, stop and reflect on how God forgives all, so we need to do so as well. Of course this is still no easy task. Those feelings of anger and resentment will start mixing inside you and in those times take a minute to ask the Lord to help you to love your wrongdoer as He loves and ask Him to help you forgive. Afterwards, consider it finished. Do not bring up the act again. Guilt trips are beneficial to no one. They are tempting for sure, because your pride is bruised but they are a manipulative way of getting people to carry out your own selfish ambitions.
This week's application for kids:
1. Bless your kiddos. Mary Ruth Swope wrote a beautiful blessing on 'Mercy' in her book, The Power of Blessing Your Children which aligns well with our topic of kindness and forgiveness. Read this blessing to your children:
In the name of Jesus Christ:
I bless you with the knowledge that the Lord is plenteous in mercy to everyone who calls on Him. Know that the Lord is good to all, and His tender mercies are over all His works.
I bless you with the desire to be faithful in showing kindness and mercy to your family and friends. God has promised to show favor and give a reward to those whose acts of mercy are done in the name of Jesus Christ.
2. Try an activity that explains kindness to your kids.
I am addicted to the videos that SoulPancake posts about Kid President. I seriously love that kid. Here is a funny video on 20 things we should say more often. It is pretty amazing. (#5 is my favorite) Watch this with your kids and try to say as many of these things during the week as possible - which may mean you need to buy some corn dogs (this will make more sense after you watch the video.) Write them down to help you remember - or just watch the video everyday, which is totally enjoyable.
Even though we spoke mainly on forgiveness, being friendly and considerate to others is still a part of kindness. Make a list of kind things you could do with your kids and try to do one every day this week. Here are a few fun ideas you could try but ask your kids what they think would be kind to do for someone. I am sure their answers will surprise you as well as warm your heart.
Leave a pile of pennies at a fountain with a note "Free Wishes" then sit somewhere close to watch people as they make a wish
Go through a drive through and pay for the person behind you
Make thank you cards for custodians and secretaries at your church
Plant flowers in paper cups and leave them on your neighbors' porches
Bake cookies and bring them to your local fire department
Write encouraging messages with sidewalk chalk for pedestrians passing by your house
3. Weekly Scripture Challenge.
Try to memorize this verse this week as a reminder of our focus for the week. Encourage your children to so too!
"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit."
Titus 3:4-5
Be sure to share your experiences with this topic. What did you learn about yourself/your kids/the Lord? What activities did you do with your kids to teach them about kindness? What ideas did you kids have on how to show kindness to others? I would love to hear them!